Early Sunday morning, at 5AM, students living in building “H” of the North Village apartments woke up to the loud blaring of fire alarms and rushed out into the street.
After a snap investigation the University concluded that the incident was a false alarm. In an official statement, one administrator said that the real danger last night came from students who failed to grab their mask as they woke up and ran out the door, saying “What are they thinking? They know that they are not allowed to congregate outside in small groups without their masks on!” Several students appeared to agree, as the University received an influx of LiveSafe reports about “serious conduct violations,” “block parties,” and “raves with flashing red lights.”
Upon further investigation, however, The Paladin learned that the false alarm was actually due to a senior who was simply sick and tired of the social distancing measures and said that he “missed seeing my friends and just wanted to hang out with everybody without a mask on, even for a few minutes at 5:00 in the morning.”