The semester has barely gotten underway, and we at the Horse have already gotten the inside scoop on FUSAB’s first major event of the semester – a cash bonfire. The current plan is to hold the event at the fire pit outside the bookstore, where FUSAB officers will draw in passers-by to add a stack of $20 bills to the blaze.

“The idea came to us as we were going over our budget for the spring term,” FUSAB officer Chad “Moneybags” Jefferson told the Horse. “We really just could not figure out how to make a dent in our total, so we figured that this would be the least wasteful way to drain our funds.”

“Have you ever heard about Pablo Escobar burning money to keep his daughter warm while they were in the jungle?” officer Chet Greenbacks said as he stared wide-eyed at our Horse correspondent. “He seemed like a cool guy, so we wanted to do something in his honor.”

We are happy to report that climate-conscious students need not have any concerns over the environmental impact of this particular event. FUSAB members are asking students to remove the rubber band from each stack of cash, so as to not emit noxious fumes into the air. Lastly, all of the money was locally sourced from the Timmons Arena concession stands.