In an unprecedented turn of events, Officer 12, the notorious enforcer of campus parking violations, has escalated his attack on parking violations to extreme levels. Frustrated by the campus’ disregard for parking regulations, Officer 12 took matters into his own hands, summoning the largest inland hurricane in decades.
“I’ve tried tickets. I’ve tried warnings. Nothing works,” Officer 12 said in a press conference, with his golf cart parked nearby. “It’s time to make these dang kids listen.”
The hurricane, dubbed “Category 21” in honor of the officer’s badge number, struck campus last week, strategically targeting all student vehicles parked in restricted areas, faculty spaces, or the poor South Housing lot.
Witnesses describe a scene of pure chaos as students left their apartments to find their new BMWs and Teslas destroyed by tree limbs and broken windshields.
Officer 12, however, remained unapologetic. “You think 30 minutes is just a suggestion?” he said, shaking his head at the storm’s damage. “Well, Mother Nature and I have something to say about that.”
Campus authorities have been scrambling to deal with the fallout from the storm and campus power outages. However, several administrators have expressed quiet admiration for Officer 12’s dedication to service.
Students, meanwhile, are left to wonder what’s next. “I guess I’ll just walk from now on, or maybe get one of those scooters,” said one freshman. “You never know what Officer 12 has up his sleeve. My parents were already mad about my $25 ticket. I can’t imagine their disappointment when they have to replace my new Rover.”
Officer 12, for his part, will not let up. “This isn’t over,” he warned. Sources within the FUPO office suggest he is looking into droughts and blizzards as additional enforcement methods if parking violations persist.