Furman University has announced that President Elizabeth Davis has begun selling her own branded axes in Furman’s Bell Tower Bookstore and Bistro on April 20, 2025.
The axes are branded with President Davis’ signature into the handle and are marketed as “the new gold standard for tree chopping.” There are several models of axes that are being offered to students, faculty, and townies with prices starting at $420.
The most budget-friendly axe is the “Paladin Hatchet of Honor” and it comes with the chance to chop down any tree of the buyer’s choosing on the campus of archrival Wofford
The medium model is “The Furman Axe-vantage”. Purchasers of “The Furman Axe-vantage” who are students or prospective students will be entered into a raffle for free tuition for a year if they buy the axe within the first week it is available in the campus bookstore. This axe model costs $500 dollars and has a purchasing fee of $82,258.
However, the most expensive model of axe, the “Davis Destroyer” costs $6.9 million dollars. If you purchase the “Davis Destroyer”, President Davis will personally chop down every tree on campus.
“I love my Paladin Hatchet of Honor!” said one geriatric townie. “I got to obliterate this oak tree that was a vital part of the Swan Lake habitat! It was awesome.”
Many students are also purchasing the President Davis branded axes. “I got Lizzy D to sign my axe yesterday in the DH. I thanked her personally!” said Edith Birch ‘28.
“I love “The Furman Axe-vantage”. Getting entered into a raffle for free tuition was awesome! But, it’s weird there was a fee that was conveniently the same as one year’s tuition at Furman.” said Dan Smoulders ‘26.
However, some students are questioning President Davis’ actions as many trees have been cut down across campus over the past few years, most notably the Furman Mall.
“She can’t keep getting away with this! Furman dropped 50 spots on Vanity Fair’s list of the Top 30 Gorgeous College Campuses ” said Squilliam Fancyson ‘26.
Despite the slight controversy, President Davis’ axes seem to be flying off of the shelves. Buy your Lizzie D branded axe and obliterate a beautiful tree on Furman’s campus today!
