It’s no secret that the freshman experience at Furman has looked very different this year. Between the opening of the new Lakeview residence hall and the endless hum of South Housing (Soho) renovations, there’s a refreshing air of change wafting across that side of campus. Or maybe that’s just the smell of dirt, either way, it’s a new one.
However, throughout the construction process, Harper Construction has made a series of increasingly bizarre discoveries, much to the bewilderment of the freshmen class. It all started a couple of months ago when a mysterious neon paper wristband was found just outside the construction site. After a brief round of “Who’s responsible for this?”, contractors quickly concluded that it must have just been left by some worker on their lunch break. It’s a wristband, after all, who really cares?
Then, about a month ago, the crew unearthed a small pile of IDs buried haphazardly under a tree near the front entrance of Manly Hall. “Oh, it’s just some college student’s misplaced weekend, no big deal,” they assumed. But this was only the beginning.
What Harper found last week, however, took the cake. A crew of five men, tasked with inspecting the ancient pipes to make sure they didn’t need replacing, stumbled upon something far more intriguing. After about four feet of digging, the crew noticed something odd: light.
Excitedly, the crew members began to dig faster, thinking they unearthed some ancient Furman relic. But as the hole widened, they realized they weren’t the first to break ground. They had found a tunnel and an ancient, dark Furman freshman secret.
Harper Construction quickly alerted the Furman administration, only to discover that no one knew about the tunnel. Questions flew in. Who dug it? How long had it been there? And most importantly, where did it lead?
So, naturally, as any fearless and ever-determined leader would do, President Lizzie donned her overalls and went to investigate. Equipped with nothing but a flashlight and sheer curiosity, she crawled through what felt like two miles of tunnel, occasionally pausing to wonder what she’d gotten herself into. After an hour of crawling, she saw a bright light. But not the warm, welcoming light of day. No, this light was suspiciously orange, or maybe purple, along with the faint sound of music.
And then, the smell.
The unmistakable aroma of alcohol and body odor began to waft toward her, reaching its peak just as Lizzie emerged onto what could only be described as… the dance floor of the Barn.
Hundreds of Furman students, caught completely off-guard, scurried for the exits like startled mice. Freshmen clutched their half-empty drinks and frantically texted friends and ordered Ubers, knowing their underground secret had just been exposed.
So, what does this mean for the Furman community? One thing is for certain: some things are best left buried. Especially when they lead straight to Poinsett Highway’s best bar.
And now, Furman students can rest easy knowing that when it comes to secrets, at least some of them are still safe… underground.