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The Paladin

Furman University's Student Newspaper

The Paladin

Furman University's Student Newspaper

The Paladin

FRAD, Mad on Power, Begins Demanding Student Sacrifices

FRAD%2C+Mad+on+Power%2C+Begins+Demanding+Student+Sacrifices
FBI Investigator

Sophomore Hans Lector, a First Year Advisor of Geer Hall, has been accused of demanding that his residents provide “at least one student sacrifice each week,” according to hall resident Tamsen Donner. The concerned student claims this is simply the latest in a series of inappropriate demands that Lector has made in the past year: “It started out small – he just wanted us to bring him… chocolate bar[s] every week or so, as thanks…. but soon it was bags of chips, Chick-fil-a meals, birds from the lake…. by the time it got to human flesh, we’d gotten too complicit… we just couldn’t say no.” 

Donner says that only five students have been Delivered to Lector so far, but fears the number could grow as exams approach. “So far, all the Oblations have come from Blackwell [Hall], and so who cares, [explicative] them,” Donner told us. “But yesterday, Hans Demanded four [sacrifices] from Poteat [Hall]… my boyfriend lives there… I’m worried he may be Offered.”

Debate over FRAD conduct has persisted on campus since the infamous Manly-Men Harem incident of 2018 (the Horse’s reporting on this incident earned us the 2019 Richard Jewell Award on Courage in Student Investigative Journalism). Most incidents don’t reach this extent of exploitation—research by the Furman Sociology Department has found that 43% of FRADs stop at demands that their supplies—or themselves—be carried to classes. While this is only the third instance of a FRAD demanding blood tithes from their residents, students continue to take issue with the persistent belief that FRADs are given unchecked power. “Look, I understand and respect [FRADs],” Freshman Class President Jack Crawford told the Horse, “but at some point Furman needs to step in and regulate how much human life they can demand as tribute. Maybe cut it off at 1% of the student body a year?”

Not all members of the Student Government Association are so prudish and reactionary. SGA Secretary, Applied Mathematics and Neuroscience Double-Major, and Four-Time Dean’s List recipient Junior Theodore Bundy strongly repudiates Crawford’s claims. “These FRADs are working night-and-day…. They provide highly essential service(s) and we need to support them, not demonize these important [mental] health measures. We need to maintain a progressive outlook to coping mechanisms, and safeguard our FRADs by ensuring that they feel Appreciated, Loved, and Nourished.”

When asked for comment on the allegations, the Title IX office told the Horse that, “An investigation into the perceived misconduct has been opened and is ongoing. We take all claims extraordinarily seriously and are working diligently to learn more for the Furman community.” When asked for clarifications as to the extent of the investigation, the Title IX office responded that, “An investigation into the perceived misconduct has been opened and is ongoing. We take all claims extraordinarily seriously and are working diligently to learn more for the Furman community.”

When approached for comment on his alleged conduct, Lector thoroughly rebuked the claims: “I am a committed FRAD, and the allure of human blood and flesh—even with some fava beans and a nice Chianti—would never dissuade me from my responsibilities.” As we prepared to leave, Lector proudly showed us his skull “replica” collection. “They’re to help me study for my Anatomy seminar,” he jubilantly informed us.

Lector is, according to university records, an English major.

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