I Deserve a Grammy: Surveying the Nominees

Award season is in full swing, from movies to music and everything in between. The Grammys, music’s equivalent of the Academy Awards, are promoted as “music’s biggest night.” Of the 82 awards that will be given out this year, only a handful of the categories include contenders that actually deserve their nominations (for instance, Producer of the Year).

January 21, 2014

Award season is in full swing, from movies to music and everything in between. The Grammys, music’s equivalent of the Academy Awards, are promoted as “music’s biggest night.” Unfortunately, the Grammys consistently displays about the same level of taste as a middle schooler. Of the 82 awards that will be given out this year, only a handful of the categories include contenders that actually deserve their nominations (for instance, Producer of the Year). Non-classical also has incredibly talented nominees, but why talk about the good, when it’s so much more fun to insult the bad?

In the battle for Record of the Year, there is yet another poorly-executed 70s throwback, an amalgamation of every trend in popular music, a pseudo-rebellious teenager synthesized by one of the largest music corporations, and a song more repetitous than the cycles of sexual violence it has undoubtedly inspired.

The category of Best New Artist is not particularly disappointing with the obvious exception of Ed Sheeran. How else do you think FUSAB managed to book him? None of the artists are new except Kacey Musgraves. James Blake released his first full length album in 2011 and Kendrick Lamar in 2010. Apple releases iPhones faster than the academy can recognize new artists.

A$AP Rocky managed to plant the other nominees in order to ensure his victory in Best Rap Song. He is up against an abysmal cover of Nirvana, someone whose name is a cardinal direction, someone who clearly did not start from the bottom unless “Degrassi” counts as the bottom, and someone who actually makes his fans pay $50 for a T-shirt.

Despite the overwhelming amount of bad that showed up this year, there is some good. Here are my picks for winners in a few key categories.

Record of the Year: “Locked Out of Heaven” – Bruno Mars

Album of the Year: “Good Kid, M.A.A.D City” – Kendrick Lamar

Song of the Year: “Royals” – Lorde

Best New Artist: James Blake

Best Dance/Electronica Album: “Settle” – Disclosure

Best Rock Performance: “I’m Shakin’” – Jack White

Best Rock Album: “…Like Clockwork” – Queens Of The Stone Age

Best Alternative Music Album: “Modern Vampires of the City” – Vampire Weekend

Producer of the Year Non-Classical: Ariel Rechtshaid