Furman has felt weird recently. Is it only me who thinks so?

Hello? Am I going insane?

Just kidding! It’s only you!

Furman accidentally the unveiled their new super secret shadow President (Sponsored by BMW), and it’s not who you think!

It was revealed by world renowned investigative journalist, Max. E. Padd to be the man you all know and love, The Paddock Guy.

Gone are the days of your friends conspiring against your leadership position in clubs! The Paddock Guy can do that for them! Now, supplying us with the power to be true adults, The Paddock Guy runs everything behind the scenes. Instead of worrying about what your friends might say about you, The Paddock Guy says it all!

Recently caught in the P-Den, Paddock Guy was caught speaking about your recent change in makeup choice. You thought that eyeliner was a good decision? No!

While Paddock Guy is the king of hot goss on this campus, he is also the king of everything interesting! You know how nobody shows up to YDSA events on campus? It’s not because the members are insufferable; it’s the Paddock Guy! Instead of being a nice person, you can simply blame your issues on Paddock Guy!

He also makes sure nobody shows up for your most important events. Remember the last Improv!able Cause show? I sure didn’t! Because it’s Paddock Guy took the posters off the walls! Remember the tailgate? Oh… You did? Well, I didn’t! Because Paddock Guy slipped Nyquil in my nighttime water!

Overall, we must realize that being a good person isn’t an important trait anymore. Instead of being good people, we can now shift our focus to Paddock Guy! Do whatever you please, whether it’s donating funds to questionable charities or just speaking behind your friends’ backs! Shadow president Paddock Guy will take the fall!