O-Week (UP)

It’s like a sauna outside. Nobody knows anybody else. The “authority figures” are exhausted from training and hall decorating. If you’re shy, you can break the social ice through speed-dating. If you’re not, break it by literally necking an orange to someone else. And you know what? We wouldn’t have it any other way.

New Bookstore (STATIC)

If Roger Daltrey reviewed the bookstore’s changed interior design in a song, the lyrics would probably be along the lines of “Meet the new bookstore, same as the old bookstore.” But we caffeine-addled students are happy to see a regularly operating Starbucks again.

Furman Football (STATIC)

We haven’t forgotten that last year’s 5-6 season was the first losing season the football team’s had since 1998. Here’s to Bruce Fowler’s hiring as head coach, and here’s to our high hopes for his tenure. After all, he was an assistant for the ‘88 championship team.

Remediation VLAN (DOWN)

You’re watching a cat cuddle with its teddy bear online, minding your own business, when a little pop-up tells you that you’ve been placed in the Remediation VLAN. “Please be patient.” Better to go to jail than the VLAN: at least you can escape prison.

Doing Laundry (UP)

It’s always a letdown when you’re doing laundry at home and the lint just doesn’t have that rich purple color the way it does here. Furman, sweet Furman.

Black Swans (DOWN)

If you have to cage the super-expensive waterfowl to make sure nothing bad is going to happen to them, wouldn’t it make more sense to gild the campus in some other way? How about another fountain?

Marching Band (UP)

Marching bands are nerd repositiories, but then again, so is Furman. Thus, we’re looking forward seeing our musical fellows perform a butt -kicking eighties setlist. (Also, we’re hearing about a “Forget You” arrangement.) Can it top their already legendary Lady Gaga performances?